Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize