I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
