WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
