i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
