woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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