Why are handjobs necessary in class?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My feet surprised me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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