This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This is the high leading the old right now
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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