I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
