you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
