I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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