The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Damn victory sex feels great
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
