dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
