she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
