I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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