do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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