If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
