you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
