between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
