it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
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Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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