I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I love having hate sex.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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