she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my life...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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