it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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