Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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