You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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