This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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