i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
