Too much gin, very little bucket
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
