I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
