Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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