did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
