hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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