I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I checked into jail on foursquare
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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