He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize