Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I feel great
I just peed on a car
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
