Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
