Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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