my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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