my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
