It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
