its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
God, I missed his penis.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
