Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
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