Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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