I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
