i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
