I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
