i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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