I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
