fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
