"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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