Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
