you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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