I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
