Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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