I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
