I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
