Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
