The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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