I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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