make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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