You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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