How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
