so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
