the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
a search helicopter?!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
