I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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