Don't you send me to vm
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
