my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
