The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
