Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
