He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
