after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
