You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
