Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
