so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
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Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
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Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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